This subject has been on my mind for several weeks now and today I decided to resurface to the blog world with a post about it…but I couldn’t decide the best way to start and I didn’t want to ramble…because it’s a serious subject.

As I was updating my blog (you’ll now see My Favorite Blogs and Original Diva’s Best Moments of 2008 on the sidebar), I came across a random thought that Melette did on March 6th.

Respect the boundaries of all your relationships. They will last longer.

Speak on it sis!

I have a childhood friend named Damien.  I’m not sure if Melette met him when she visited Tulsa but I know that Carla did the summer we drove to Regionals together.  I say childhood, but Damien and I met when I was a sophomore in high school.  We have been friends for 17 years now.  We dated on and off but there was never anything serious between the two of us except friendship…movies, dinner, rodeos, and trips to the fair.  We still keep in touch, but not at the same magnitude as before I got married.  See, when I got married….our boundaries changed.  Damien wasn’t my stand by movie partner anymore.  He’s not the person I call after a long day of work and destress with.  I have a husband that’s supposed to do that now.  Damien can’t be my shoulder to cry on anymore because our boundaries have changed and we both respect that.

The majority of our conversations are strictly via email these days.  If there was an emergency and he needed to call me at home, I’m positive that he would respectfully introduce himself to my husband and then ask to speak to me.  I tried to introduce them when we were in Tulsa for Mother’s Day but my friend was out of town visiting his mother….one day though.

I have another male friend.  He lives in Dallas and we met during undergrad.  We used to be close to the point that we were comfortable discussing our sex lives.  We don’t do that anymore.  We’re still close….and he’s one of the few that gets every new cell phone number as soon as it changes.  But boundaries change.

Relationship boundaries are 2 way streets.  Not only is it up to my friends to respect my marriage, but it’s also up to me to make sure that those boundaries are there and being maintained.

I used to laugh when Melette would tell me that she isn’t friends with friends when they get married.  But there’s truth in that.  Relationships change when a spouse enters the pictures and FRIENDS should recognize, realize, and respect.  If my friends don’t, then it’s my responsibility to make sure that they do.  My Dallas friend knows that he can’t call me up every day like he used to when he needs female interaction or to get encouragement all the time.  He knows that he’s not my priority anymore and he has to take a backseat.  If I give him more encouragement than I give my husband then something is wrong in this relationship.

If I go to my husband in need and he blows me off to be there for a friend…..he’s showing me that I’m not his priority relationship.

People have to realize the message they are sending in their different relationships….if you care about the person that is and intend to maintain the integrity of the relationship.  That kind of shit changes the game.