Week 4

Today is day 3.  If you have never lost everything then you can’t begin to imagine how it feels to want something…anything.  I haven’t seen my furniture, clothes, pictures…any parts of my life in almost 3 years.  It’s been under lock and key in a storage pod.  All I want right now is a home….my green couch and earthy colored rug and pictures on the brightly painted walls.  A home to be settled in.  I still don’t have that.  Do you know those little plastic cups that hotels put on the ice bucket tray?  I was pouring some wine in one once…in the hotel living years…and broke down crying because I missed my wine glasses.  People take wine glasses for granted but live in a hotel with a mini fridge, microwave, and sink as your kitchen and see how much you appreciate glassware.

I have an apartment but I still don’t have a home.  I still am not settled.  And every day I miss my husband more and more.  Through all the hard times and struggling I thought we’d rebuild together.  I thought that we would get back on our feet together and that we would eventually look back on the worse, sickness, and poorer while we enjoyed the good, health, and financially stable.  But instead we’re apart and every time I think of having a home it saddens me to think of one without him.

I remember the beginning back in Small Town, Oregon.  We were in love and mentally/emotionally/spiritually/health wise I was in such a great place in life….WE were in a great place in life.  I feel like I’ll never get back to that place.  Being content in a home.  Sharing space with someone you feel like you can’t live without.  Becoming a part of one life together.  Planning a future.  Exploring dreams and passions.

I miss my life.

Thanks for visiting Diva (in Demand).  My blog escapades have followed me across 4 states, 3 jobs, a business venture, and a new husband. There are no mini divas yet but I have loads of nieces and nephews to slobber and wipe their dirty hands on me. I am an amateur pastry chef, certified cake decorator, and seasoned home cook who knows how to pair French cuiseine with fine wine, collard greens and cornbread. You'll find a little bit of everything around here.....where I take talking to myself to a whole new level.