This morning I lay in bed listening to the Manhattans sing about kissing and saying goodbye. You know the song. He tells the woman he’s leaving not to cry as he leaves. I thought about you. I thought about that first night holding hands over drinks. I thought about that first trip out west. I knew I was in love then.
I’m still in love now. I’m still in love with the man who affectionately held me as I drifted off to sleep at night and left his scent on my pillows when he left. I’m still in love with the man who reached out to try to help me the best he could when my mind sunk to rock bottom an settled in. I’m simply just still in love.
Unfortunately my day is late and my dollar is short and I haven’t idea how to fix what’s broken. Or even if I can. I want to call you and start a conversation with a simple “How is your day going? like I used to do but the resentment in your voice as you ask me why I’m calling you tells me that you’re not open to going back to normal because normal was so long ago for us.
I’m sorry. I have excuses but not reasons. I failed to live up to my part of discovering what worked for us and building on it. That’s what we agreed to do and I didn’t.
My biggest regret is that I lost myself and when I lost myself I lost you. Falling in love with you filled my spirit and this hole is so unforgivable and dark.
I miss you and I love you.
Thanks for visiting Diva (in Demand). My blog escapades have followed me across 4 states, 3 jobs, a business venture, and a new husband. There are no mini divas yet but I have loads of nieces and nephews to slobber and wipe their dirty hands on me. I am an amateur pastry chef, certified cake decorator, and seasoned home cook who knows how to pair French cuiseine with fine wine, collard greens and cornbread. You'll find a little bit of everything around here.....where I take talking to myself to a whole new level.