My Deepest Fear is Failure

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3)

We have all heard this quote in movies and speeches, seen it on other sites and in books, quote it ourselves when we want to feel overly righteous but today I want to inform you that it is not applicable all the time. My greatest fear is not opening up a bakery and being so successful that I ask myself “who am I to deserve this?” Oh no. My greatest fear is opening up a bakery and it failing, going out of business, and me becoming homeless and destitute. If you’re a friend of Original Diva then you know that we’ve already been too close to that state to be comfortable. (Please donate to your local food pantries….you may just be helping your neighbors eat one day).

I was doing some networking today and I thought about my “friend” who lost his job shorty after I did and has become the king of cupcake success. I asked myself “why not me?” and I immediately knew the answer is because I’m afraid. I’m even more afraid now then I was then. Now I have a home again and a car. If I open up this bakery and make enough money to quit my job….what happens if I fail and have to close? Unemployment is still hovering at the 9% mark. I’ll be on the streets before you know it!

It’s so easy for people to say go for it or that I’ve missed my calling. It’s easy for you to come here and look at the pictures and compliment me. It boosts my ego until I stop and say “I COULD END UP HOMELESS AND ON THE STREETS!!!!!!” I don’t know how to fight this fear.

Thanks for visiting Diva (in Demand).  My blog escapades have followed me across 4 states, 3 jobs, a business venture, and a new husband. There are no mini divas yet but I have loads of nieces and nephews to slobber and wipe their dirty hands on me. I am an amateur pastry chef, certified cake decorator, and seasoned home cook who knows how to pair French cuiseine with fine wine, collard greens and cornbread. You'll find a little bit of everything around here.....where I take talking to myself to a whole new level.