Some people think that I have odd views on domestic violence. Some people know that I have volunteered with organizations and been a serious advocate against domestic violence for the last 11 years. Some people know that I was in a violent relationship once. I don’t use the term victim because walking away eradicates any and all victim mentality. Before I tell my story, my beliefs are predicated by some truths that you should know.
My grandfather was the strong male figure in my life. I have some great uncles who have been there for me through WHATEVER but my grandfather is the one who passed on the wisdom to me that I quote today. He was the king in my life and the king said that ERRRRYBODY deserves to be hit sometimes……you just have to determine whether or not you’re going to do it. He also didn’t preach the “never hit a woman” tagline to my male cousins. Because remember rule number one trumps all subsequent rules. ERRRRRRRYBODY deserves to be hit sometimes. I know you’re thinking he was wrong but he wasn’t. Let me give you a quick example.
My cousin’s best friend dated one of my roommates during my senior year. My roommate was a total and complete bitch who was jealous of our friendship. She was so jealous that one day when he didn’t immediately respond to her request for him to end his conversation with me, she hit him in the back of the head with a frying pan. According to my granddaddy’s rules, that bitch shoulda been punched in her throat.
Rule #2 is for women. If you are going to put yourself in a man’s position then you better be prepared to handle it. I feel like that’s self explanatory but just in case it’s not……WOMEN, if you hit a man then you need to either be good enough to whoop his ass OR you need to be prepared to take a hit. I’ve told you about The Grand Diva’s story before so it’s safe to assume that through the many years of marriage and fighting they had, everybody kept their damn hands to themselves. But hey….that’s how he raised all of us so that’s what we believe.
Growing up I would fight a girl or a boy (remember rule #1) because I was bad enough to win (thus rule #2).
In undergrad there was a young lady who wanted to pledge my sorority. She changed her mind after she showed up to my apartment with her boyfriend’s hand print across her face and I went gunning for his ass. She made her choice. Now listen…..I’m not another one of those typical “I won’t stand for that shit” women. I’ve got the “been there, done that” t-shirt.
After college I dated a man who I’d met through my best friend. We had a slightly scandalous past cause he used to date her soror and I was the one who told him that she was cheating. But years later we’d moved on and gone from friendship to relationship. I was visiting him one weekend (I lived in Oklahoma and he lived in Texas) and I thought we were having a nice normal evening at home watching television. For some reason he asked me why I’d broken up with my college sweetheart. I didn’t feel like talking about it but he kept pressing the issue.
That was so long ago. Who cares….
I care. I want to know.
Well I don’t want to talk about it.
Everybody has a past. Just tell me.
I realized that he wasn’t going to let it go so I decided to just leave. I was staying at my cousin’s house. When I got up to go, this son of a bitch grabbed me by my arms and slammed the back of my head into the wall. I imagine that he let me go and I slid down the wall to the floor but I can’t say for sure because I was unconscious. I don’t even know how long I was out. When I woke up my head was killing me and I felt confused as hell. He was standing on the other side of the room looking like I’d assaulted his ass. When I got up off the floor I already knew I was going to whoop his ass. He started half ass apologizing and trying to come closer. I walked around the sofa to the kitchen and picked up the skillet off of the stove and I knocked the shit outta him.
But wait….he was still standing.
So I hit him again……and again……then he landed on the floor.
I got my purse and I got the hell out of there. When I got to my cousin’s house I told him what had happened and he wrote down the address and called his frat brothers and they went over there and finished what I had started. That was 8 years ago and I have not looked back since. Ever since then I can’t imagine being afraid of being hit. If you hit me two things are going to happen. First I’m going to hit you back and then I’m going to call the police. For ME it’s just that simple but I definitely understand that for most it’s not. That’s why I work with organizations who strive to help women not be abused……physically or mentally. I know what that road looks like and when you’re on it you think you’re all alone.
