The definitional difference between thankful and grateful is that thankful is feeling and/or expressing GRATITUDE.  You have to have GRATITUDE to be thankful.  Gratefulinvolves being appreciative.  Just in case you don’t know it yet, one is harder than the other.  It is truly easier to be thankful for something than to be grateful.  Why?  Because you don’t always appreciate the things you should….therefore you lack a certain sense of gratitude.  For example, I am thankful for having a job because having a job allows me to pay the bills….have a place to lay my head, cable to watch, internet access to blog and chat, air to cool off, gas to cook meals, etc…  But I would have to appreciate my job to be grateful for having one.  On a journey through life, one should make a conscious effort to be grateful and not necessarily thankful….because gratitude and appreciation go further than we imagine.  Those are things that get us closer to “our creator”, our universal gurus, and the karma we seek to attain peace and calmness.  I believe I’m transcending to a new understanding.  I have known for over a year now that if I give more focus on the positive things that occur during a common day that I will not leave myself vulnerable for as much negativity.  It’s the grand concept of going throughout the day intentionally looking for positive things to document at the end of the day.  If you spend the entire day focused on good things only then you won’t have room for bad things or negative actions to sour your mood.

What I realized today is that yes, I am not allowing the little things to get to me as they used to…..but that doesn’t mean that I don’t spend time worrying or even obsessing over negative things.  BUT….the things that get to me aren’t the small ones anymore.  As I adapted a policy about looking for things to be thankful for, my mindset (and the doubt) evolved as well.  So now I worry about what Iconsider to be big shit.  Not only that but I “inherited” the one trait from my mother that has most often pissed me off……being a people pleaser.  Honestly, as hard to imagine as it is…..Original Diva will sacrifice herself for the happiness of others.  Now isn’t that BANANAS!  Walking around worried half to death and losing my balance in life because all I can focus on is pleasing others and putting together the puzzles of life when I don’t even have the pieces.

I have a solid group of Christian girlfriends and a father in law who has taken to whispering a message in my ear when he sees me now.  I am GRATEFUL for that….I truly appreciate it.  Last week he and I were talking about how WE go through life trying to HELP God.  My sister circle and I have the same conversations.  That’s what I mean when I talk about not having the pieces to the puzzle.  If I am to have FAITH in God and the master plan then I’m not supposed to worry about things like money, health, love if I simply follow the foot road He has laid before me. 

All of this ties in to gratitude and appreciation.  Once again….I am thankful for the ability to drive to work whenever I’d like and listen to the radio, but there is no way that I can be fully appreciative of the situation right now.  The reason?  Because I’m too focused on the cost of the tank vs. the cost of taking public transportation.  While most will argue that public transportation is more cost effective currently…..my way of thinking says that there is gas ALREADY in the tank so I won’t have to spend any money until I run out….but if I ride the train then I have to give up $32 bucks out of my pocket today.  Twisted….I know.

The more small things I ignore…..the more big things I pack onto my back.

I am intentionally weighing myself down in life.  Ridding myself of those things will lead to gratitude, appreciation, a greater sense of thankfulness, and peace of mind.

I am grateful for my friendship with TJ.  I find that 90% of the time when I find myself bout to LOSE ITshe rides up on what can be called a white horse and gives me a big sister “get it together” pep talk.  Does it always work?  Hell no.  Does it work at least half the time?  Not even close.  But I appreciate it.   TJ’s message is usually the same…..that in times when we are faced with our most difficult adversity, we are on the cusp of a great triumph.  We get hit hard before we get hit with something good.  I am grateful for her friendship.  I am grateful for the time I spent in Oregon.  I appreciate it.  Although at the time all I could see was the deficiencies……all I can see when I think about it now is how grateful I am for the experience.  For getting to hang out with TJ and her family, for my stylist Lisa, for the opportunity to realize a professional career goal, for seeing the ocean AND the mountains, and for the memories.

I was explaining to TJ today one of the ways that she and Creole remind me of each other.  You see, I am grateful for having a friend like Creole who has such infinite faith…not just in me….but in PEOPLE in general.  They are 2 out of the 4 people that I can confide some of my deepest concerns to and they understand.  I believe in having “been there, done that” friends.  That’s what Creole is….a been there, done that friend.  And today that brawd said something to me that only one of my crazy ass friends could say because they know me.  Love her.  Then she sent me a picture of a bakery supply store in New York.  Talk about feeding the fire and passion.  I’ve agreed to make her some custom chocolates with “M” on them one day.  If she only knew how crooked my letters are on chocolates. LOLOLOLOL

I am grateful for the big city living that I am doing now.  Yesterday I went to the African Caribbean Festival of Life and I almost lost my top as soon as we walked in.  IT WAS FABULOUS!  I’ll have to post a picture of the wrap dress I got.  I saw new things, heard new music, and tried a little bit of new food…including some sort of chicken on a stick that was FIRE ASS HOT!  It was great.  I have walked along the lake, tanned in the park, seen Stevie Wonder for FREE, had some really good pizza from at least 3 different restaurants, fallen in love with hot dogs, become a fan of slot machines, ridden down the highways and byways of middle America in a big ass truck, eaten spaghetti as a side dish (that is still crazy to me) oh and I saw Bernadette Stanis yesterday….yep…THELMA was signing books at the festival. LOL  I may not like it all the time, but I am growing to appreciate it.

As much complaining as I may do about the train I take from my house to downtown, I am seriously grateful for Chicago’s public transportation.  Why?  Because while I’m not a big fan of that damn train, I enjoy riding the commuter train to and from work and I love the freakin bus.  How crazy am I?  It not only adds to the big city experience but I don’t feel as lost when I take the bus.  I don’t have to worry about parking.  The bus goes straight to the Art Institute and this Thursday or Friday (when it’s free) I’ll be on it after work!  I appreciate being 31 years old and knowing which bus to get on to go some place different than where I started AND how to take the darn thing.  Odd….but I don’t really care.

I am grateful for recognizing that I need to be more grateful.