Stupid comments and questions that I have to respond to at work:

Idiot: Doesn’t your neck hurt at the end of the day from turning to the right all the time to look at your computer screen?
Me: No but my ears bleed from you talking so damn much.
 
Idiot: Isn’t that what you get paid to do?
Me: Why? Are you the cheap bastard signing the check?
 
Idiot: So who do I blame when I get to the meeting?
Me: Well you’ll be the biggest idiot in the room so what do you think?
 
Idiot: How come her hair doesn’t look like yours?
Me: How come your cube mate isn’t as stupid as you?
 
Idiot: What are you listening to?
Me: Whatever will drown you out the fastest.
 
Idiot: Hey….what you eating there?
Me: Nothing now that you’ve breathed all cross it. Nasty bastid.
 
Idiot: Didn’t mean to disturb you…
Me: Yes you did. That’s why you stopped. Otherwise you would have kept going instead of standing there listening to my telephone conversation like the nosy ass bastard you are.
 
Idiot: Can I ask you a personal question?
Me: Yes I hate you as much as everybody else. Anymore questions?
 
Idiot: Where you going?
Me: To mind my own damn business. You should try it.