To you…..Never a song more applicable for you has there been….
 
Look at me, Look at me
I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I’ll be better than I am
I’m trying to find a way to understand
But I need you, I need you
I need a hand
I am changing
Seeing everything so clear
I am changing
I’m gonna start right now, right here
I’m hoping to work it out
And I know that I can
But I need you, I need a hand
 
All of my life I’ve been a fool
Who said I can do it on my own
How many good friends have I already lost?
How many dog nights have I known?
Walking down that wrong road
There was nothing I could find
All those years of darkness
Looking for some light
But now I can see
 
I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I’ll be better than I am
But I need a friend
To help me start all over again
That would be just fine
I know it’s gonna work out this time
‘Cause this time I am
This time I am
I am changing
I’ll get my life together now
I am changing
Yes I know how
I’m gonna start again
I’m gonna leave my past behind
I’ll change my life
I’ll make a vow and nothings gonna stop me now
~Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls Soundtrack
 

 
Tonight I did a little cleaning. Notice how when you are sick and begin to feel better you immediately clean? You want to get the germs out as soon as possible. While I was cleaning off my desk I came across a card that I received from someone once upon a time. The card was written by Tara Jaye Morrow (must give proper credit) and it reads as such:
 
A friend is a person who knows
pretty much every about you
and accepts it all -
because, “Hey, that’s just you.”
And when you need
a shoulder to cry on,
a real friend will offer it
without you having to ask
(and won’t hold it over you later
and say “Remember that time…?”)
A friend is someone who knows
when you have an attitude
and lets you be,
then has no problem with you later
when you’ve gotten over it.
A friend makes you laugh
really hard
until you aren’t even
making any sound…
A friend is a very good thing,
and I’m so glad
my very good friend is you.
 
Sweet card isn’t it? At the time it meant alot. Everyone likes to know that they are appreciated and when you go far to be the best friend possible to a person, it really matters when they let you know that it’s not all in vain. And the words on the card are real shit. The person who sent it decided to cease speaking to me several months ago because she took offense to my reaction to some STRAIGHT BULLSHIT that she was allowing in her life. In my heart I believe that it upset her so much because she KNEW it was bullshit when she brought it to me. But for some reason she expected me not to holler AFLAC while she told me about it waddling and quacking. What does all that have to do with the words on the card being real? If she called me right now I wouldn’t hold any of that against her. I might not get as close to her as I was before because the bullshit you allow to take over your life tells me alot about the person you are…….and consequently will alter the type of relationship we can have. I expect grown ass women to behave accordingly.
 
I’ve also acknowledged that she is in the midst of some STRAIGHT BULLSHIT. In other words, she is GOING THROUGH. For a minute, I was slightly jealous that she turned away from me in her moment of going through. But you know what? After I read that card again tonight I realized that sometimes when you are GOING THROUGH, you need specific people. That doesn’t make much sense but I know what I’m trying to say. Six months I was GOING THROUGH in a major way and the only peace I could get was from Chele. She doesn’t know it and I’ve never said anything to her before. But the comments and emails she would send when I talked about McDreamy was the equivalent of handing me a cold towel when I had a fever. No matter what my sister said (and it ALWAYS made sense), no matter what my girlfriend said (and she listened to me so…..I know she wanted to shake the shit outta me), no matter what I felt…..I got comfort from Chele’s words when I was GOING THROUGH. And I don’t even know her. If she knocked on my door tonight I wouldn’t recognize her enough not to call the police and tell them to shoot to kill.
 
So maybe that’s what my friend (I think I’ll keep calling her a friend for now) needs. She needs comfort for her situations and issues. And that kind of comfort and relief comes from only God knows where. So I don’t have a right to be upset that she’s not coming to me for it. The only important thing is that she gets some comfort and assistance. (Don’t be afraid to seek counseling). Because obviously I’m not doing the job.
 
I give tough love. I tell people all the time that I’m not the one to call if you lean on the edge of over emotional. It’s not intentional……I think it’s genetic hell. My cousin agrees. She says that we all have our rolls. I am the person you can call that will tell you how to cuss somebody out, listen to you cry and then get mad with you, and make you laugh until you just forget about your problems. I’m not the one in the family that holds hands or tolerates silly shit. So see, it’s very possible that an overly emotional person needs someone else to hold their hand while they’re GOING THROUGH.
 
My crazy ass aunt (my grandmother’s sister) had a bad divorce several years ago and it knocked her on her ass. In one weekend she ended up broke and homeless due to some silly shit. While she was staying at my grandmother’s house and getting herself together she became depressed and miserable as hell all the damn time. She was GOING THROUGH. One day my grandmother looked her in the eye and said “You got to let this shit go. We are DIVAS….we don’t do this shit. Get the fuck up and shake it off!” That was her method of comforting. I believe that mine is very similar. So I’ll reiterate, it’s okay if my friend needs to seek comfort and peace somewhere else. And I look forward to her PERSEVERING through the silly shit and calling me up to say hi. You don’t have to apologize…..we don’t even have to speak about it. Just finish GOING THROUGH and when you PERSEVERE you can call me on my cell phone. The number is still the same. (Had to give up the house number when I moved obviously).
 
I’m pretty sure she’ll read this and if not she’ll hear about it through the grapevine.