the art of seduction

no, nasty asses. get your minds out of the gutter. you’re not getting ready to read any xxx rated posts today.  just thought i’d write a bit about how important it is to preserve your sexxxy, keeping your situation moisturized and all that good puff daddy talk….

y’all remember last year my post about my “weapons of mass d-distraction (no typo lol)” and how after being president of the itty bitty titty committee when i was younger – i am now well endowed and somewhat self-conscious about it. although the girls have gotten me lots of attention, ironically i’d begun to feel not so sexy anymore – maybe it’s because i can’t find pretty bras anymore that’ll support these suckas!! whatever it is, i have not been feeling like my old self for a long time.

a few years ago, i would’ve described myself as fun and flirtatious … when i’m not going through some self-imposted hermit-like state. i mean look at the woman at the top of my site. she could’ve been my twin. that’s why i chose her – because that’s how i used to see myself. but i’ve begun to feel like a third wheel to my “party of two” and that sexxxy creature has gone into hiding somewhere. i realized that my self-consciousness about my chicas was beginning to dry out my situation *gasp from the crowd* not that one….dammit people! i told you guys to keep your minds outta the gutter!!!

anyway, yesterday i was running through walmart – yes running – so that i could avoid growing the mullet that walmart trips always seem attach to otherwise normal looking human beings. i suddenly decide to stop by the black book section. now normally, i keep away from there because it seems as though more and more ghetto fabulous books are hitting the scene and i just can’t relate. but a book with the cover of a woman with bright red lipstick sucking on a strawberry caught my eye. don’t ask me why…my mind wasn’t in the gutter i SWEAR!! i don’t even like strawberries! lol!

i decided to go ahead and purchase that book and a new james patterson novel for quick reading since i had to proctor the AP exams the next day. i must admit that i didn’t have high expectations since so many black authors have been disappointing me as of late. i just figured i’d read it quickly and put it with the books that i was taking to the book trade this weekend.

but i found myself enjoying the hell out of this book. it’s called “weapons of mass seduction by lori bryant woolridge” . it was about 3 women from different age ranges, backgrounds and life experiences that attended a conference to basically help them bring their sexxxy back. it wasn’t your typical “oh my man dun did me wrong so all men are dawgs” or ” sista gal hold my mule while i wait to huff and puff exhale” complete with the sloppy sex scenes and come to jeezus pity parties thrown in. nooooo!! this book actually had a lot of substance – real insecurities, life lessons and triumphs and tragedies. i found myself relating to all of the characters even though they were so different from each other and had a wide range of personal issues.

not only that, but while reading the scenes where the ladies went through various points in the seminar i realized that during the past year or so, i had really forgotten what a sensual person i’ve always been. maybe, i’ve got too many activities on my plate. maybe i’ve just gotten to comfortable with letting each day come and go, but after reading the book i realized that i had been neglecting that part of myself. and i miss her!

the part that used to always buy a new bra and panty set each month, the part who craved evening bubble baths complete with the love jones soundtrack playing softly in the background, the part that likes to sleep nude (with socks on ‘cause my feet get cold) because she likes the feel of the sheets against her skin. the part that loves buying a variety of lotions to mix and match the scents just because. the part that genuinely loves life and enjoys receiving intimate pleasure from all of her senses.

i realized that i’ve gotten so caught up in the practicalities of my thirties that i’ve forgotten the sensual delights of my twenties. although the women in this book were there basically to learn how to interact with men, through the process they learned more about and fell in love with themselves.

i used to know all about that. it’s a shame that i’d forgotten. but as always, God puts things in my path in the right place at the right time. oh! and about the author? she’s a brown blogger too. check her out!

now excuse me…gotta go…my bathwater’s running….mmmmmmm…..

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Why Women Don’t Ask for Raises?

It’s a known fact that, on average, men earn more money than women. The reasons may vary. People from the old school think women are discriminated against, but I follow the notion that women tend to accept lower paying positions. Also due to parenting responsibilities, we’re not in the workforce as long as our male counterparts. So it makes sense that our “lifetime” earnings are significantly lower.

However, assuming all things are equal (same position, same experience, same education, etc.), there are still some instances where women earn less than men. But I wonder about the underlying reasons? Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not so naive to think Corporate America has provided a level playing ground, but I do think many of the reasons can be attributed to things that are within our control. Ultimately, WE are responsible for managing our own careers.

BlueSuitMom.com has an article titled “What’s Holding You Back From Your Next Raise?” and it mentioned a very interesting point. Many women don’t ASK for more money!! Wow! Imagine that? LOL Here are a few reasons women gave to explain why they don’t ASK for more money:

1. It’s not “nice” to ask for more money.
2. I will be rewarded for my hard work.
3. There’s no (or little) money for raises.
4. They might say no and then I’ll feel bad or embarrassed.

*checking to make sure I’m a woman*

Yea I’m good. Ha! Just needed to confirm because those reasons sound ridiculous to me. Especially #1. Who in the hayle said THAT???? She needs to be an intern at the “School of Single Ma” for ONE day. LOL! For those of you who have read my blog for a little while, you know my motto. YOU CAN’T GET WHAT YOU DON’T ASK FOR.

This not only applies to the workplace, but ANYTHING in life. Some people laugh at me because they say I’m always negotiating, but I don’t see it that way at all. I see it as simply ASKING FOR what I want. What’s the worse that can happen? They say no? Umm, ok…*shrug* Then YOU have a decision to make.

So tell me…

Are you happy with your current salary?
If not, what are you going to do about it?

It’s that simple.

Peace & Blessings

~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!

~SM

Orange

The Hostess

I heard a story this weekend. It called to mind that Fantasia song. Not singing about baby mommas or screwing, just a nice catchy tune about a crush. I’ll try to be brief…”Blessed are the brief for they are the ones invites back…” Or something like that. Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lucy. She worked at a very friendly place. So friendly, that her and her coworkers had developed outside of work bonds. They were friends who hung out with each other. They carpooled and shared secrets. Then one day, one of the men, David, in this friendly work group showed up at Lucy’s house. On this night, he poured his heart out. Telling Lucy he’d loved her for seven years. Lucy, however, didn’t feel the same way and David left. The next week at work, David was extra friendly. However, Lucy would find out from other mutual friends that David had went to her house that night to pour his heart out. Which he did. But he’d also been fully prepared to ask her to be his wife, had she even been open to the idea of being with him.

My friend who was telling the story thought what David did was ridiculous. But as I think about it, David had a 50/50 chance. Those odds are pretty decent considering that they could be worse. In fact, it was mentioned that David had some fairy-tale idea of what was going on. While he thought he was dating Lucy, Lucy thought he was just being a really good friend. Lucy even said that for all the years where he was so helpful thoughout daily life, big events, and even with her son, she thought she’d done a good job of drawing the line between friends and dating. At the same time, David was pining away for her, waiting for his chance. So in this last go ’round when she was single and dating, he thought he needed to make a move before the next guy and her became an official item.

I’ve seen a similar situation happen. A friend of mine, Sara, had been dating James. Her and James didn’t work out and James moved away. While she was dating James, she became friends with James’ friend Smith. For years after James left, Smith and Sara hung out. They were like two peas in a pod. This went on for years. I think about three. Then one day, about six months ago, he professed his undying love for her. Sara had told me stories about them always hanging out. The way she told them, anyone who didn’t know would think she was talking about her and him dating. Anyhow, when Smith poured his heart out, Sara was shocked. In her words, “Well damn. We’ve never even slept together…I really had no idea…” Two months later, they were engaged. They are scheduled to be married in a few weeks. In this case, Smith took the chance and Sara was open to the idea. Whenever I hear about situations like this, I try to put myself in the shoes of either person.

Some years ago, I compiled what I thought was a comprehensive list of all the things I’d never done. Things I intended to do before I got too old. I won’t share with you the list. But let’s just say that after trying one of the things on the list and it going horrible wrong, or at least not being as cut and dry as I thought, I discarded the list. I could get through life without attempting to do things just for the hell of it or because I was convinced that not doing them was stunting my growth. Y’all know the whole ‘Growth Through Experience’ thing? I have mentioned that to y’all right??

There’s one thing I was reminded that I left off of the list. I have never had a crush. I have dated people and wanted to be in the relationship. I have had frociates be ’sweet’ on me. But I have never had a crush on anyone. I have never sat back in the company of a man and wished. Not even in high school. It must take an extra dose of suffering and courage to have a crush AND tell said crush, especially when said crush has no idea. I couldn’t be around the apple of my eye without taking a bite. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sit back and watch him have eyes for someone else. Nerp. Not me. Maybe I’m just too self-involved. But the idea just makes me uncomfortable.

I don’t even knowingly flirt. Nor do I really recognize it when someone’s doing it to me. I like to think this blindness is due to them just not coming out and saying anything. The way I see it, even if they are flirting, it means nothing. I am the type who will either not recognize it as flirting or if I have a notion that it might be, I’ll ask, “Are you flirting with me?” If the man says no, I believe him.

So tell me, what, if anything, have I missed by never having a crush??