This is something that I’ve been thinking through for a couple of weeks now. The premise of the post came from an IM conversation I had with a man a couple of weeks ago. He found me on 360 which is like the next level of crack apparently. (Guess I’ve been missing out). We talked online for a while and he was such a charmer and a flirt. He’s significantly older than me and very prolific with the ‘make me blush two kinda ways’ talk. Something told me to ask him if he was married and that’s when the bomb dropped……married almost as long as I’ve been living. When I asked him if his wife knew he was online trying to seduce me he diverted attention away from the question by saying something to the effect of “I’m not trying to seduce you…I’m only telling the truth.” Yeah…that’s a no. We continued talking and I told him about my relationship at that time (she whose name must never be said) because at that time things were still good. I got the strong impression that if given the proper chance and opportunity he would dive right into the cookie.

I feel guilty for even talking to the man now. Like the other half of some torrid affair. That encounter in addition to my newly engaged friend brought about an interesting dialogue. My friends and I have been discussing cheating…..who’s cheating, when it’s cheating, why it’s cheating….all of that. And man do they have some differing opinions.

* It’s only cheating if they’re married. That’s when God gets involved in the relationship.
* The other woman is more at fault than the cheating man.
* The other person isn’t at fault at all because they’re not the one in a committed relationship.
* And then I have one friend that doesn’t see a problem with sleeping with a married man (yeah…I won’t be letting that heffa meet any man I marry).

And I have to ask what the point behind any of it would be. Are they trying to be the new man/woman? Do they want to actually take the other person and make a new relationship or are they just in it for sex?

My personal belief on the issue is that I would be wrong if I slept with/dated/enticed/plotted on a married man because I’m disrupting a committed relationship. I’d be playing a part in something downright evil and I put too much faith in karma to do that. I’d be worried about it coming back on me at some point in my life. So then I started questioning myself about having those same types of interactions with a man that is engaged. And that brings in a whole new set of questions.

Is it cheating if they’re only engaged?

Would the purpose be to steal the person in the relationship?

Do you admit that type of thing up front or just put a plan into action?

Is that bad enough to come back on you one day?

I’d be interested to hear what other people think about having a relationship with someone who is engaged.