“When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things.”
A year ago I was graduating with my MBA and I was going through a transition. You see before I was Original Diva, MBA I had a playground mentality. I wanted everyone to be my friend. If I was Susan’s friend and she was friends with Laverne then I wanted to be friends with Laverne too. I knew that those urges would change after I walked across that stage and actually got that hood. It wasn’t that earning an MBA suddenly elevated me to some elite status making me better than everyone else. No…it was achieving a goal. A personal goal. Original Diva didn’t go back to school to get a job with more money or move up the corporate ladder. Original Diva always dreamt of being an MBA and that dream was becoming a reality. I’m not sure I can ever put into words what it did for me but there was definitely a change.
So Original Diva, MBA doesn’t strive to have lots of friends on standby for the wedding day to throw her an enormous bridal shower and have 12 bridesmaids. Naaaaah. I’m good with what I have.
While I was watching Madea Goes to Jail last weekend, the character Madea made a reference. She said that she always puts people into categories like a tree. Some people, MOST people in the world, are leaves. Their only purpose is to shift when the wind changes and provide shade. When the seasons change, they die and fall off…..just like the leaves on a tree. So when the seasons of your life change the leaf friends you have will fall off. Stop trying to hold on to them.
Then there are the branches. Those are the tricky ones because you can have a friend that you think is strong and sturdy and as soon as you step out there on them, they break….just like that branch. But if you have you some root friends they aren’t going anywhere. Now think about it, a tree has thousands of leaves and hundreds of branches but it may only have 2 or 3 strong roots. The same applies to your friends AND THAT’S OKAY.
This year I became more defined in my categories and appreciating the people that go into them. The key is not to be mad at the leaves in your life. That is their purpose. You just be sure to treat them as such. We’ve all heard the “reason, season, lifetime” analogy. Don’t try making your seasonal people lifetime relationships.
So here I am having another before and after moment. Before Original Diva was 30 she was still struggling to tap into another side of her identity. Original Diva was always aware of seasonal people.
We’re at the after part now. Original Diva is appreciative of seasonal people. And when the season is over……we move on to the next one.
Smooches in Supply ~ Diva in Demand
Yesterday’s topic was interesting on so many levels. So interesting in fact that I had to call my mother and get her take on the issue of hiring a nanny. She had some ideas that I had actually considered but she used the terms nanny and babysitter interchangeably. She says that nannies live in the home in her opinion. And we’ve already established that no grown women will live in my house except me.
Two points stuck out to me in particular. I’m not sure if the article or one of my comments mentioned that back in our day there was always a “big mama” or aunt or neighborhood woman available to keep young children in lieu of daycares or nannies. My mother pointed out that women are having babies at younger ages these days, thereby having younger grandmothers who are still in the workforce. That’s true. If I had a baby now my mother wouldn’t be able to keep her and my grandmothers are both still on the move themselves.
A second point that I often worry about is children that don’t go to daycares or spend time around other children could possibly lack social skills. I was one of those children. All of my report cards said “Original Diva does not play well with others.” I still don’t play well with others. I’d prefer not to play at all! So how do children who spend the entire day with a nanny and no one else develop social skills and the ability to play well with others for when she starts school?
So we’ve already determined that I’m afraid I’ll miss out on the milestones of my child’s growth as well as them growing attached to the nanny. Now add to that the fear of them lacking social skills.
My mother’s last point was the childrens’ values. She truly believes that if a nanny is raising them then a nanny will be the one teaching them morals and values. They will have theirs and not mine.
Discuss…
Any time I think about having children (Imani and Yusef) I always assume that they will go to a daycare while I am working. I have never given any consideration to hiring a nanny…..at least not until I read this article this morning.
Nanny Hunt Can Be a ‘Slap in the Face’ for Blacks
My first thought was “Oh great. The Times is at it again.” Especially with lines such as
“interviews with dozens of nannies and agencies that employ them in Atlanta, Chicago, New York and Houston turned up many nannies — often of African-American or Caribbean descent themselves — who avoid working for families of those backgrounds. Their reasons included accusations of low pay and extra work, fears that employers would look down at them, and suspicion that any neighborhood inhabited by blacks had to be unsafe.”
But I read the article and gave it a fair chance to throw me off with blatent racist remarks before I posted about it. Compared to my last Times experience I didn’t walk away wanting to blast the author. While the article is definitely filled with ignorance, it’s not hers. So my questions are 1) Will it be as difficult as they make it seem for ME to hire a nanny when the time comes? 2) Can I really blame someone for not wanting to service a particular area when the news is full of stories about violence in those areas? Hell I don’t live in certain areas for that same reason. 3) Will I be one of those African Americans who is prejudiced against hiring a nanny that is the same color as me because oh her language skills like they mentioned in the article? Or will I want another sista who will understand my daughter’s hair? I’m sure that is something that I would take into consideration at some point.
I have always worried about my children becoming too close to the nanny and that was my reasoning for automatically assuming that we would go the daycare route.
What do you think?
On Dec. 23, 1867, Sarah Breedlove Walker, the American businesswoman and philanthropist considered to be the first black female millionaire , was born. Following her death on May 25, 1919, her obituary appeared in The Times.
On December 23, 1946, Famed American Actress, Susan Lucci of the television show All My Children was born.
On December 23, 1976, TWO DAYS EARLY, Original Diva was born at 3:56 pm after. A 5 pound, 1 ounce little munchkin of a baby, I had all the nurses and nursery visitors entranced. My father and grandmother say that strangers would stop and stare at me, commenting on how pretty I was.
Happy 30th Birthday to me!
25. I love my best friend this year. We dated in high school and have maintained a friendship for close to 15 years. Earlier this year he decided that he wanted to be with me in a serious relationship after he got himself together and lived his life a little more. Yep, wanted me to wait on him. Back in June he came to visit me right after McDreamy’s visit. While he was here he saw the condom wrappers in the trash can and shit hasn’t been right since. I lost my best friend over some cookie he wasn’t getting.
26. I wear red lipstick because of an ex boyfriend. We were broken up and ran into each other outside of the student union. Truthfully his frat brother called my girl from down the hall and told her that he was there and to bring me over. They were trying to get us back together. I had on this bright red lipstick that day. He kept staring at me but I ignored him that day. A couple of weeks later when I was ready to actually talk to him and listen to what he was saying, he admitted that he was staring at me because all he could think about was kissing my lips. He said that they looked super sexy in bright red.
I still rock the bright red every once in a while and think of him. LOL
27. That ex is the same reason I don’t wear anything that is raspberry scented. We were laying in bed cuddling one day and he smiled at me and said “I love it when you wear that raspberry from bath and body works. It makes me want to just eat you up.” I didn’t own any raspberry scent at that time. He had me confused with the girl he left me for. Ever since that moment in time I have detested any type of raspberry scent. I just can’t wear it.
28. In 2001 I chased boxer, Shane Mosley down on a NY street just to meet him. My girlfriend and I were in NY during Labor Day weekend for the US Open. She was a huge Patrick Rafter fan and it was his last year before retirement. So I agreed to go with her. We were walking down the street headed to the subway station when he bumped into me, turned around and said “I’m sorry. Excuse me.” I couldn’t figure out why he looked so familiar until he turned around and looked at me again. The eyes. SUGAR SHANE MOSLEY! I chased that brotha down another block just to meet him and take his picture. Sexy bastard.
29. I’m addicted to chocolate. Seriously. As a child I wanted a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate ice cream for my birthday. I loooooooove chocolate.
30. There are no pictures of me on my blog because I prefer to remain anonymous. It is my greatest fear that when I finally make it onto Oprah’s stage, a producer will pull the show because someone called and said that I am a foul mouthed sex freak and tell all about my blog. Sorry. But for ONE DAY ONLY tomorrow…there will be some special pictures of me on my blog.
Look at all the things you know about me now. Happy Day Before My Birthday to me! Get ready to party!
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